It's 1.30am. I can't sleep. This time next week my boob will be gone. It seems the sadness has hit me all in one go. I've been putting on such a brave face but I'm so scared. My life just seems to keep changing and none of it is ever for the better.
I think I'm missing Dad so much too and his death seems to be hitting me all over again. I wish he was here looking out for me. Doing research for me - he'd have been seeking out all the information I needed and be plying me with answers and best steps. My heart is completely broken. I'm in a constant state of grief.
I cried earlier on too - in Mcdonalds of all places. I saw Dad's wedding ring on mum's finger and it took me by surprise - I just burst in to tears. My emotions are all over the place. I long for some kind of normality in my life instead of being in a constant state of worry. Worry about the cancer, has it spread, every pain, every twinge, and the brain MRI scan coming up... And the money situation too. How are we ever going to get through if I'm not working?
The tears are too much, I can't type anymore. Goodnight x